on distance

I've been thinking about the concept of distance when it comes to people. There are two types; emotional distance and physical distance.

Some people you can see only once in awhile and it doesn't feel like a day has passed in between. I saw a friend this weekend that I had not seen in 6 years, and it felt totally casual and normal. Then I have friends that if I don't talk to them or see them each week, I feel like I am far from them.

In the early 20s is a difficult time for friendships because in todays culture in the USA, many college graduates move around especially when there is such a job shortage people go wherever there is employment. So people are often separating and traveling around the country or the world during this decade of life in particular. Friends who one was close with in college, because they lived down the hall and you hung out every weekend, now may fade away when they move away. Others will stay in touch utilizing technology to keep updated and connected. But technology can also serve as merely a facade. It can cause friendships to reduced to an online "writing on the wall" or commenting on photos, these superficial interactions taking the place of actual phone conversations.

it can be deceptive however, when a friend, or partner, is physically present but emotionally distant. You can tell them how you feel but you can't really tell them what to do to improve the situation. Emotional distance is not a space which is easily crossed. It is subtle, intangible.

My uncle, who has been married 4 times, said to me "the loneliest I have ever been was in a relationship that wasn't working" So don't think that just because someone is there With you, in person, that it means you two are close. Have you had friends who are conveniently located and you hang out all the time, but when you move apart, you no longer have anything to say to them? I have also experienced the opposite, a friend who I knew but for a few days, and years later, can still call them up or see them and it feels so completely comfortable.

It's the same energy you feel when you meet a new person you connect with, they Feel close to you, familiar to you, you are at ease around them, emotionally distant people upon first meeting can be vague, uninterested, and make you uncomfortable or apathetic, others however are warm and friendly, social skills tips include using a persons name 3 times after you meet them to make sure you will remember it and recognize that person in the future, using someones name makes someone feel close, which is why a nickname can be even more intimate.

When you're out with people who you are familiar or unknown to, try to feel the emotional distance between yourself and others, and among others as well...who are you closest to? is there anyone you are physically apart from but emotionally close to, or emotionally far even though you see them all the time? consider...