With Myself

This culture puts a lot of emphasis simultaneously on the success of the individual and the shame of being alone. Our economic system, capitalism, is based on the concept that every person will strive for their own gain and thus the society benefits as a whole. Clearly, this has not been the case in this country's recent history. So much focus on the American Dream idea that we have become so obsessed with one persons journey to the top of the mountain that when he gets there he may just jump off, confronted with the isolation up there. This culture celebrates entrepreneurs who make millions, hemorrhaging money with which he may buy fanciful toys and playpens. We ogle at celebrities every action via instant sites like Twitter where one can feel close to these normal people who act in movies whom we have elevated to "stardom". At the same time however, one need only watch media around Valentines Day to understand the intense expectation of being part of a couple. TV shows make jokes about women who are single and celebrate with each other, often consisting of lamenting why they do not have boyfriends. Dating sites proliferate the internet with promises of "finding a partner", delivering the underlying message that being content with just yourself is undesirable and unacceptable.

I have spent the majority of the last year alone. I moved across the country away from friends and family with a boyfriend. He lived in a different town and was away for work over half the year. I could finally afford my own apartment and relished coming home to a quiet house where everything was still in the same place I had left it. As I consider the daunting concept of traveling another continent Alone, I need only remind myself that I have already spent most of my time in only my own company, as well as the reality that a traveler always meets and connects with fellow nomads.

It is somewhat, sad? not sure of the right term, to think that a very social 24 year old who used to have multiple invitations every weekend night with various groups of friends now spends most evenings alone in the house. Its not a situation I'd like to find myself in again anytime soon, I look forward to having a more active social agenda, but I am also proud of myself for having gotten through it and not succumbing to society's notion that being alone is a problem.

On Traveling Alone

I'm getting ready for what is basically the biggest adventure of my life. I quit my job and am spending my savings to go galavanting around South America. Everyone glamorizes it and says they wish they could go and how lucky I am, and I am entirely aware and extremely grateful for the privilege that it is to be able to take a trip like this. But, I can't help but also recognize the intense challenges which await me. The last time I traveled I ended up isolated and depressed and immobilized by culture shock. People seem surprised and impressed by the fact that I am doing this journey alone. It always perplexes me to hear other people say that or mention that they could never do that. In my head it is just being practical; I want to go, so I will go. I'd love to meet up with friends along the way but I wouldn't let not having a partner stop me from having this experience. I actually prefer to travel alone. Traveling alone allows one to be much more aware and present. For example, if I drive home while on the phone, sometimes I pull into my driveway without even realizing that I am already at my house. When I clean up my house while on the phone, I often forget where I put everything. This illustrates the extent to which one can become distracted while involved with another person. Traveling with a buddy sometimes you get so caught up in taking touristy photos to put on your refrigerator that you leave a place without having had a moment to yourself to actually take in your surroundings. I enjoy traveling alone because instead of remarking to my friend about the chilly weather, I am forced to reflect on where I am and how I am feeling. One of my favorite experiences of traveling alone is getting up from a seat on a bus or train, looking back to make sure I didn't leave anything, and then proceeding ahead without a trace behind me that I was even there. I like being able to wake up one morning, pack my backpack and head out to a new place without having to even tell anyone where I am going much less consult with a compromise with someone. I relish that kind of freedom. The taste of an unknown path ahead of you and all of your possessions on your back is incomparable. Nevertheless, there are a plethora of challenges which confront the single female traveler.

I'd like to share some stories of times which were either incredible, internal, individual experiences, or examples of when being alone was extremely stressful or scary.

India water leaking, being sick in cabin in jungle,
in the ashram alone by the ganges, waking up in cabin in jungle,