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change.org

really important site which makes it easy to sign petitions for legislation that can really make a difference for causes you care about! check it out!

update

I know I haven't written in awhile. This summer session of social work school is very intense. I have been having many interesting experiences and conversations about my various interests. It appears that Trauma of PTSD with both combat veterans and survivors of sexual assault, and in the case of Military Sexual Assault, both are a primary interest of mine but also very up and coming in the field. The area of relationships also is a big focus of mine because I believe so fervently that one must first learn to be comfortable whole and happy with oneself before they can enter a healthy relationship. I see so many qualities and tendencies with people who become involved in unhealthy and abusive relationships and I do my best in my counseling work to help illustrate the patterns and traits which contribute to these situations. Some days it is inspiring and other days downright terrifying. I feel a personal calling to address the issue however and will be getting involved at NYU with the peer educators in spreading awareness about abusive relationships.

I also have so many career ideas and aspirations in the field of social work that I have absolutely no idea where I will head exactly upon graduation and I'm leaving it all up to the law of uncertainty so I'm sure whatever forces come into play happen for a reason.

In school I am taking a class about groups and it is fascinating the psychology of groups. The group mentality can make people do things they would never do on their own. Therapy groups are also really interesting because you see how people interact with each other and can truly help heal each other without even realizing it.

I am really busy but overall very happy in life right now, yes some days I feel a bit burnt out from the work I do and so much reading for school trying to balance it with healthy eating, yoga and a social life but, I'm glad I'm doing the accelerated program and all the situations that brought me here today happened for a good reason.

on that note its extremely hot and I don't have a fan so I should really get back to my readings...

some books for you readers out there with time on your hands

Trauma and Recovery
The Glass Castle
The Little Prince

I got the book Siddartha on the street and look forward to reading it I hear it is amazing.

ttyl world :-)

The exception

'I don't know why we all make a list of qualifications for the person we're going to be with, what they will and won't be like, when in the end the person you love is always going to be an exception'

Omega

http://eomega.org/omega/workshops/bb76f603889b239cefb1ef791922db7f/?content-BAN&source=Epromo.OM

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE

buddhist meditation

I saw another book by Tara Brach that I hope to look into

On Relationships

I work as a domestic violence counselor. Today I had the most intense case so far. The extent of the abuse was atrocious and the way this womans mind had adapted into pure survival mode to the point that regular beatings daily were normal is fascinating in its twisted way. But the fact that this woman is My age and she has been dealing with this horrible physical and emotional abuse for nearly a third of her life, is unacceptable.

The more I do this work in relationships the more I see signs that stand out which lead to and define unhealthy and often abusive relationships.

1) lack of a strong, developed sense of self. Without a strong sense of value that you are in fact worthwhile and important, you open up to allow others to approve or disapprove of you. If you are not steadfast in your convictions about how you live your life and the choices you make then you are making yourself too vulnerable to someone elses opinion. You need to LOVE yourself. If you do not first love yourself, you are not allowing anyone else to truly love you. and if you do not believe yourself worthy of being truly loved, you will accept unhealthy and damaging behavior because on some level you believe you deserve it or that you do not deserve or could not find someone who would treat you better. Empower yourself. Ask for happiness. Feel that you deserve happiness. It is not selfish. When you ask to be happy and find ways of Internally making yourself Happy with yourself, no one can take that away from you.

2) The fixer/helper/savior personality trend. While this is clearly the type of personality I have as a helping professional, I have had to carefully monitor this aspect of myself because it has in the past lead me to giving too much and ending up drained. First of all, you cannot CHANGE anyone. Someone can Only change Themselves if they Truly Want to. Most of the time, the person has no reason no impetus to change because the situation is working out fine for them. The fact that you Want them to change does not motivate them on the internal level where the actual changes would need to occur. One needs to evaluate in every potential Giving situation what they are Getting. This does not mean that you cannot be the most generous kind person because what you are GEtting may not be in the same form of what you give. For example, working at a soup kitchen you give the people food but you get the reward of knowing that you have made someone's life a little better. In a relationship if you give and give and give and do not receive back in some form, you Will end up empty. You Will run out, burn out, crash and that is when they have the most power to control you.

3) do not let anyone dictate who you are how you act what you wear or who you interact with. You need to be in charge of those decisions and discerning enough to understand who and what is good and what is bad for you. In my buddhist meditation class today the speaker explained that one approach to meditation is to categorize all the thoughts that pop into your head as positive or negative. Those which make you feel Better after having them "I am grateful, I am appreciative, I am happy" make you Feel better whereas thoughts concerning others such as "what does she think of me, why doesnt he like me, im not good enough' make you feel Bad. If you spend your day crying or lamenting or complaining about something, how do you feel afterwards? If you spend a day appreciating and really enjoying, how do you feel?

4) look into yourself.
know yourself.
be aware of what you are doing and how it is affecting you and your loved ones around you.
do not Ever replace a true friend with a romantic partner. Even the person of your dreams cannot fully complete you, everyone needs friends too.

5) abusive relationships are so common. learn the signs; anger, jealousy, inabiilty to take responsibility for ones actions, lack of maturity, blaming others. and learn the signs in yourself "i want to help him i can change him if i do this then he will treat me well or the most dangerous:  it wont happen to me" if you are saying any of those things then find a local counselor asap.

I will continue these thoughts but I wanted to express them for now as it has been a long tiring and trying day.

our deepest fear

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”"M. Williamson

Yoga for Veterans!!!

http://www.yogaforvetsnyc.org/Yoga_for_Vets_NYC/Welcome.html



I discovered this really cool organization that does yoga and meditation with veterans!!! I have been becoming increasingly interested in the mental health of former military members because it seems that they are mostly just prescriped medication upon medication, not given therapy or other resources to really help recover from the trauma they experienced. possible professional career path...check out the organization and spread the word to anyone who could benefit!



Yoga for Vets NYC started in July 2008 as a service for NYC veterans. Founded by a former Marine, the program is designed specifically for veterans dealing with injuries or trauma, but every veteran is welcome, regardless of age, era or experience.


Classes are small enough to give attention to individual students who may be dealing with specific injuries, challenges or disabilities. No prior experience with yoga is necessary.
The Meditation and Relaxation class does not involve any physical activity, and is accessible to all students, regardless of injury or physical capability.

Yoga classes include simple instruction in four key elements of yoga: breathing techniques, meditation, deep relaxation, and poses which are therapeutic or invigorating. Modifications of poses are taught for any students with specific physical challenges. All of these elements of yoga are designed to relax the mind, relieve stress and anxiety, and restore the body back to health.

Love and Cartagena

http://travel.nytimes.com/2010/05/02/travel/02cartagena.html

Such a beautiful enchanting city, check out this NY slideshow above and my own photos below. No wonder everyone gets married there, in a decorated horse and carriage, then an evening stroll on the ancient wall, gazing out at the ocean as people dance through the tropical night...

the title photo to my blog is from Cartagena :-)




Gabriel Garcia Marquez wrote his masterpieces here...maybe I should go live there and write :-)

Do what you Want with your life and it works out best for everyone!

to leave Work and feel like I am doing the Right Thing with my Life!

I had such a great day at my job today. Working as a domestic violence counselor is not always a rewarding job, in fact many times I leave work feeling frustrated and sad for my clients. but today was great! I wanted to share. I got a high five and a hallelujah from clients today! I really feel like I am helping some of these women reaffirm their own sense of self worth and it is beautiful to watch that unfolding. These women have been broken down by abuse in so many forms sometimes for years. To see them learn their own value and to encourage them to have the conviction that they Are Strong and do not Need or Deserve anyone that is going to put them down is so rewarding. I am able to explain in some ways why the abusers behave as they do and most of the time it comes down to the fact that they are Scared of losing her! This fear becomes anger and possessiveness and jealousy and sheer cruelty. Before a hand is even laid on someone else, there is so much damage that has been done. Having been in that place before myself, where you're own self is lost and you just feel trapped and broken down and empty, and having spent years rebuilding and learning and strengthening myself after that experience, I am so happy when I see other woman also being able to do that. We all feel pain, regret, guilt, but when a person is making us feel Horrible when they constantly assault us with their anger which stems from Their own Weakness and insecurity, it is Wrong. After any break up a person is going to feel sad (if they allow themselves to feel) and that is normal. I am able to validate and normalize their pain but at the same time repeat the mantra I have had to remind myself, that I am Valuable! I am Full of Worth. No matter who tells me otherwise and who puts me down or who breaks my heart, I will not Allow anyone the Access to my center of Being because I Know within myself my own value. If you want to control me if you want to possess me to own me to tell me all of my faults and dictate what I wear or who I talk to or how I behave, then you can see yourself out the door, its right there. and I will lock it after you leave and not even look back. Yes I am a helper,  I am a Fixer but I will not Give so much to you that I end up empty inside and Drained. That will not help anyone. If you want to break someone down with your cruel anger with your insults with your violence, I am Not that person and No one should Ever put up with that. You must look inside yourself and understand your Own insecurity do Not be weak and take it out on someone else through grandiose promises Or through abuse. These women have lost Years of their lives to pain filled partners who brought them down constantly until even the strongest of them began to Believe those words. "when someone tells you that everyday, no matter how much you know it is not true, you begin to believe it" Do not Fear Me because I am strong because i am powerful because I know what and who I want and if it is not You you should have the self respect to accept that, and if it IS you that I want have the confidence to Believe that, do not Fear my betrayal because it is only that Fear itself which will drive me away. A relationship must be equal, mutual, on the same level of power, helping each Other, none of this -oh I can help him- oh I can Change him- no, if he is going to change he must do it Himself.  The oldest rule in the book of life= The Golden Rule, Treat me as You would like to be Treated. you reap what you sow.

to strength of self and to love that can handle it.

moulin rouge :-)

all you need is Love! Love is all you need

"listen to my heart, can you hear it sing? 
 telling me to give you Everything..." 

never knew it could feel...like...this, 
 like i've never seen the sky before