to leave Work and feel like I am doing the Right Thing with my Life!
I had such a great day at my job today. Working as a domestic violence counselor is not always a rewarding job, in fact many times I leave work feeling frustrated and sad for my clients. but today was great! I wanted to share. I got a high five and a hallelujah from clients today! I really feel like I am helping some of these women reaffirm their own sense of self worth and it is beautiful to watch that unfolding. These women have been broken down by abuse in so many forms sometimes for years. To see them learn their own value and to encourage them to have the conviction that they Are Strong and do not Need or Deserve anyone that is going to put them down is so rewarding. I am able to explain in some ways why the abusers behave as they do and most of the time it comes down to the fact that they are Scared of losing her! This fear becomes anger and possessiveness and jealousy and sheer cruelty. Before a hand is even laid on someone else, there is so much damage that has been done. Having been in that place before myself, where you're own self is lost and you just feel trapped and broken down and empty, and having spent years rebuilding and learning and strengthening myself after that experience, I am so happy when I see other woman also being able to do that. We all feel pain, regret, guilt, but when a person is making us feel Horrible when they constantly assault us with their anger which stems from Their own Weakness and insecurity, it is Wrong. After any break up a person is going to feel sad (if they allow themselves to feel) and that is normal. I am able to validate and normalize their pain but at the same time repeat the mantra I have had to remind myself, that I am Valuable! I am Full of Worth. No matter who tells me otherwise and who puts me down or who breaks my heart, I will not Allow anyone the Access to my center of Being because I Know within myself my own value. If you want to control me if you want to possess me to own me to tell me all of my faults and dictate what I wear or who I talk to or how I behave, then you can see yourself out the door, its right there. and I will lock it after you leave and not even look back. Yes I am a helper, I am a Fixer but I will not Give so much to you that I end up empty inside and Drained. That will not help anyone. If you want to break someone down with your cruel anger with your insults with your violence, I am Not that person and No one should Ever put up with that. You must look inside yourself and understand your Own insecurity do Not be weak and take it out on someone else through grandiose promises Or through abuse. These women have lost Years of their lives to pain filled partners who brought them down constantly until even the strongest of them began to Believe those words. "when someone tells you that everyday, no matter how much you know it is not true, you begin to believe it" Do not Fear Me because I am strong because i am powerful because I know what and who I want and if it is not You you should have the self respect to accept that, and if it IS you that I want have the confidence to Believe that, do not Fear my betrayal because it is only that Fear itself which will drive me away. A relationship must be equal, mutual, on the same level of power, helping each Other, none of this -oh I can help him- oh I can Change him- no, if he is going to change he must do it Himself. The oldest rule in the book of life= The Golden Rule, Treat me as You would like to be Treated. you reap what you sow.
to strength of self and to love that can handle it.
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