projective identification

This is a fascinating psychological social phenomenon. Projective Identification occurs when one person projects a certain emotion into another because he or she cannot express it. For example, a woman complains and complains about the trauma going on in her life but she never shows any sadness. Her coworker who sits across from her all day and hears all of the trauma, find herself breaking down in tears out of sadness for this womans situation. This coworker has identified with the situation she is being told about, and has taken on the emotions for that woman. It can also happen where a person triggers another to express the emotion they are repressing, for example if they can't express anger they may knitpick at someone until they express anger.

I do this with some of my clients. A theme among some victims of domestic violence is a tendency to put others first and not be aware of the danger oneself is in. After meeting with one of my clients, who is taking risks in a dangerous situation but does not seem to express fear, when she walks out of my office, I am overwhelmed with fear for her safety. As a female, I can identify with the fear of being attacked so I feel the fear that she should be addressing and aware of. This happens often within a couple in a relationship. Sometimes it can work productively however, if one partner is one type maybe the one who takes on the anxiety of the pair because this partner can handle it better, while the other one embodies the  anger among the two. They may complement each other by keeping the relationship balanced. It should still be acknowledged however, and the healthiest blend is when projective identification occurs depending on the specific situation instead of being consistently associated with one of the two.